The Fall from Nirvana
Was it just a week ago I said my life was so perfect? That I wasn’t worried about a thing?
How quickly that sense of nirvana passes. Since then I have gone through the soul-searching process of firing my piano teacher and I seem to currently be stuck in a funk.
I’m feeling a little frustrated by this tent-painting project and the fact that no one has materialized to help me, except for my long-time work friend who was an art major and who has given me advice on gesso. I just want to know this is going to turn out OK and our tent is going to be sufficiently well decorated to stand with all the others on the Mall before it gets shipped off to Darfur. I have sent out a flurry of messages trying to get advice on what supplies to buy and what design to follow, but within a couple of days I will just make some executive decisions and move ahead.
Otherwise, I have had no reason to leave the house in two days, except to take my bike in to get the clipless pedals installed and to go to Costco. Now that really sounds like loads of fun, yes? And the real kicker was the plums I got at Costco this morning are all rotten. I can see at least one of you out there shaking you head and saying, “And what did I tell you about buying your food at Costco?”
My Apple, which had been working fine, is now dead to the tune of $300. This problem all started when my husband attempted to install Leopard on it and it went to sleep and could not be awakened. I never asked for Leopard, but he is such a techy he can’t resist the urge to keep all our computers up to date. So it will be shipped off for repair.
I can’t even look forward to wearing a new Easter dress tomorrow or eating Easter dinner. It’s just not my holiday. For some reason, Passover is a month after Easter this year. Go figure!
I should be thinking about going to Germany in just two weeks. We’re going for just a week to visit our son in his newly adopted country. I should be thanking my lucky stars I’m relatively healthy after reading the following account from a good friend about his wife, who had gone to Berlin to take a class in hat-making and to visit old friends:
She took a bad fall down a number of steps in a subway station and fell over a railing another 10-15 feet. She has a badly broken leg, two broken arms, and a number of other breaks. It happened on Monday. I arrived on Weds. She had her first operation today, and she has at least two more to go. The biggest concern is the leg. She will be in the hospital at least 3 weeks and then in rehab for several weeks. I don't know yet when we can bring her home, but it will probably be at least 4 weeks. I wanted to let everyone know in one email. I can't promise that I'll send regular updates. Right now I'm just starting to deal with the insurance and the logistics of getting through this. I see her several times a day, she's quite sleepy from painkillers, and she drifts in and out of consciousness. She is also unreachable by phone right now and is allowed only occasional visits (except for me, thankfully). I'm hoping she'll make a complete recovery, but, right now, there are still a great many unknowns. Please keep her in your thoughts.
I just read this again and realized how lucky I was when I fell in Norway a few years ago that the only real damage was a broken tooth. This person who was in the best physical shape possible is now a mess of broken bones, facing a long questionable recovery.
As I give myself a swift kick in the rear, I realize how much worse life could be right now and I feel a little ashamed for being in a funk. Perhaps sending my broken friend healing energy will help me remember my good fortune.
posted by Barbara at 5:08 PM
9 Comments:
I can completely empathize with you about all the things which are impacting your life. Sounds like resilience is one of your life skills and this will be a bump on the road, but not tooooo big a bump!
Mom and Dad shop almost exclusively at COSTCO and thank their lucky stars that it is there for them. Of course, they have the luxury of going during a weekday, so it works for them.
I know how hard it is to have our precious macs down. With my laptop in the shop for it's hinge thing b/c I dropped it, I am without a computer at home on the weekdays. This made me stay at work waaaaay too late! The work computer is truly a cool, big brute, but I don't like being the last person out of the school!
A good piano teacher should realize whether you a good fit almost before you do. I know, it's almost like breaking up with a boyfriend. "No, really, it's me, not you, can't we still be friends?" ::smile::: sounds like you handled it well. I always like to keep old boyfriends (and ex-husbands) in a good frame, hopefully that will bring good karma!
I love the idea of the Darfur house!
I know yours will be spectacular. Yes, parents don't like their kiddos clothes ruined by permanent paint... have plenty of old shirts that your dh uses to change the oil on the car or no longer fit. If you pop these over the kiddos, at least it looks like you were thinking about their clothing. Another trick? Plastic garbage bags with heads and arm holes cut out. (Years of doing messy projects with kiddos talking here)... or those plastic ponchos you buy in rainy areas for a buck, but never fold back into their tiny pouches!
Hope this helps! -Kellyann
Kelly -- Thanks for your upbeat support. And thanks especially for your ideas about keeping paint off of things that matter (like kids' clothes). I had already thought of asking kids to bring one of their dad's old tee-shirts the day we paint, but I could just buy a box of trash bags at Costco and be done with that worry!
Just because you're not starving or poor doesn't mean you aren't allowed a funk now and then. Ride it out, and while you are, try treating yourself with the same kindness you so readily find for others less fortunate.
And don't buy your food at COSTCO ;)
At least funks help us appreciate the good times all the more. They absolutely rot, though.
Nirvana is an illusion. Real life has its ups and downs. this, too, shall pass - except the food from Costco is never going to improve. It's the ultimate expression of agribusiness which is bad for the people growing the food, bad for the land (pesticides), and bad for your pocketbook when you get home with a bag full of horrible food.
Eat well, breathe, smile. This, too, shall pass!
ah funks happen, but as gas and life this too will pass.
as I go down the path we call life, I have gotten a bit superstitious and found that when I say things like "I never get sick" or "my life is so wonderful" - ZAP, I get a nasty cold or some ball from left field comes in and hits me alongside the head....
it was a good and courageous thing you did 'firing the piano teacher' (or stopping those lessons) as it was causing more stress than joy... and computers, geez - there will be some bugs with some bliss...they are only machines.
so I send hugs your way and hope that tomorrow dawns bright and you shoo those birds of worry and woe from making nests in your head.
xxxx
Everyone -- Thanks for your comments, which make me feel just normal and human, like everyone else.
Time for a good spiritually uplifting mantra.
OldLady -- How about a round of OM?
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