Monday, March 10, 2008

The Lightness of Being

We spend most of our lives either going uphill or downhill, both of which can be a struggle. But there are moments when we are poised in between, almost floating. I’m floating right now and by all rights it should equate to perfection.

That floating feeling is the one you have when the Ferris wheel stops on top and you rock gently back and forth at the highest height. It’s like the sensation you have on a roller coaster when you have just snaked up one side and are poised to go flying down the other. It’s even like the dead calm in the eye of a hurricane when nothing moves at all.

I realized just today there is hardly a thing about which I am anxious. I went through my check-list of things that might have caused past anxiety:
– I have no boss to disagree with any longer.
– My children BOTH seem to be gainfully employed, happy, and rather self-sufficient.
– My relationship with my husband has never been better. We thoroughly enjoy each other’s company but have plenty to do on our own. We disagree about almost nothing. Although not as frequent, sex is still very much on our agenda and as with everything else it is evolving while still maintaining excitement, satisfaction, and gentleness.
– I have no shortage of good friends whose company I enjoy on a regular basis.
– I am extremely healthy. I haven’t had a skin cancer scare in a couple of years. I haven’t taken antibiotics in more years than I can count. I have reliable, caring doctors who are there when I need them.
– Walking and balance are possibly a little better. I haven't fallen in almost a year. I think tap dancing helps my balance.
– I have music in many forms and a beautiful piano to play. I now have a quartet in addition to my double-bass partner of many years Deborah. I have excellent teachers.
– I have an affectionate dog who loves to play fetch, take a nap with me, and pretend to be ferocious when anyone comes to our house.
– I have plenty of volunteer opportunities that allow me to stay in touch with those I help.
– I am busy enough never to be bored, but not too busy to do things spontaneously.
– I’m not responsible for anything which is happening any time soon.
– I have no upcoming piano or dance recitals of any kind.
– I’m not rich, but I don’t have to worry about money.

So there you have it – my currently rather perfect life. In truth, my only sadness right now is over the seeming loss of a friend from many years ago who has severed our communication. I am gradually letting the memories of good times we shared wash away my current sadness.

But I made an interesting discovery today. As my anxiety slows down, so do my creative juices. I don’t have much of anything of substance to write in this Blog.

I remember that the oyster can produce its pearl only when it ingests a grain of sand which becomes an irritant. Must I too have something which is eating away at my heart and mind to arouse my passion for life and fire up my creativity?

I’m sure this nirvana is only temporary. I must say I am rather enjoying it while it lasts even if I have nothing of interest to say to anyone!

7 Comments:

Blogger Kellyann Brown said...

Somewhere along the line, I heard a saying that true happiness is not in getting what we want, but loving what we get. I love the contentedness of your words this morning.

8:29 AM  
Blogger Reya Mellicker said...

Actually, Barbara, this is a great post - don't sell your contentment/creativity short!

And enjoy the moment, because as with all things, it's not likely to last. Maybe it will, though - wouldn't that be great?

8:54 AM  
Blogger Kristin said...

I envy the peace. There really is something to be said for that.

1:12 PM  
Blogger Richard said...

Sounds like you are having a great time, though, your choice of imagery objects are things that would induce anxiety in me.

I don't think we need to struggle against adversity to be creative; I think all we need is purposeful activity.

As for having little to blog about ... erm ... well that comes in waves. On the othe rhand, I am having difficult to keep up with other people's blogs.

3:16 PM  
Blogger Barbara said...

Kelly -- I love that quote.

Reya -- I've felt a little nervous all day wondering what will happen to inevitably change my contentment level. You'd think I could just sit back and enjoy it!

Kristin -- This is definitely the time to enjoy the present moment, but there is always this desire to know what happens next.

Richard -- The sad truth is no one wants to read or write about happily ever after. I'm sure something will happen soon enough to jar me back to reality.

10:16 PM  
Blogger Mother of Invention said...

You indeed have what I consider to be a great life. You seem very balanced, your relationships are quite active and you experiences are rich....and yes, your health seems pretty good to me!
Just enjoy!

11:31 PM  
Blogger Colette Amelia said...

Barbara by the sounds of it you have had the rollercoaster effect with the churning stomach, turmoil and fear and so this time is well deserved. Enjoy! And I agree with Reya that this was an excellent post for it gives others who are on the rollercoaster hope that they will be in that space of peace and contentment one day...

And it is important to realize that we are in the good times to appreciate them.

10:47 PM  

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