The Lightness of Being

We spend most of our lives either going uphill or downhill, both of which can be a struggle. But there are moments when we are poised in between, almost floating. I’m floating right now and by all rights it should equate to perfection.

That floating feeling is the one you have when the Ferris wheel stops on top and you rock gently back and forth at the highest height. It’s like the sensation you have on a roller coaster when you have just snaked up one side and are poised to go flying down the other. It’s even like the dead calm in the eye of a hurricane when nothing moves at all.

I realized just today there is hardly a thing about which I am anxious. I went through my check-list of things that might have caused past anxiety:
– I have no boss to disagree with any longer.
– My children BOTH seem to be gainfully employed, happy, and rather self-sufficient.
– My relationship with my husband has never been better. We thoroughly enjoy each other’s company but have plenty to do on our own. We disagree about almost nothing. Although not as frequent, sex is still very much on our agenda and as with everything else it is evolving while still maintaining excitement, satisfaction, and gentleness.
– I have no shortage of good friends whose company I enjoy on a regular basis.
– I am extremely healthy. I haven’t had a skin cancer scare in a couple of years. I haven’t taken antibiotics in more years than I can count. I have reliable, caring doctors who are there when I need them.
– Walking and balance are possibly a little better. I haven't fallen in almost a year. I think tap dancing helps my balance.
– I have music in many forms and a beautiful piano to play. I now have a quartet in addition to my double-bass partner of many years Deborah. I have excellent teachers.
– I have an affectionate dog who loves to play fetch, take a nap with me, and pretend to be ferocious when anyone comes to our house.
– I have plenty of volunteer opportunities that allow me to stay in touch with those I help.
– I am busy enough never to be bored, but not too busy to do things spontaneously.
– I’m not responsible for anything which is happening any time soon.
– I have no upcoming piano or dance recitals of any kind.
– I’m not rich, but I don’t have to worry about money.

So there you have it – my currently rather perfect life. In truth, my only sadness right now is over the seeming loss of a friend from many years ago who has severed our communication. I am gradually letting the memories of good times we shared wash away my current sadness.

But I made an interesting discovery today. As my anxiety slows down, so do my creative juices. I don’t have much of anything of substance to write in this Blog.

I remember that the oyster can produce its pearl only when it ingests a grain of sand which becomes an irritant. Must I too have something which is eating away at my heart and mind to arouse my passion for life and fire up my creativity?

I’m sure this nirvana is only temporary. I must say I am rather enjoying it while it lasts even if I have nothing of interest to say to anyone!