Pondering Love
I’ve been thinking a lot about something one of my favorite Bloggers recently wrote concerning love gone wrong: “Was it love at all if it was only doled out in fragments? If it was held out, like a piece of too-sugary candy, as a reward for good behavior and snatched away so easily when mistakes were made?”
In thinking back over past and present relationships, I’ll bet many of us know someone about whom we could ask those questions. It was probably a relationship filled with highs and lows. With starts and sudden stops. But a relationship of which it could always be said that it enriched your life, regardless of the outcome.
That begs the question of whether legitimate love is constant and unwavering. Whether extended breaks are acceptable in a loving relationship. Or whether true love always brings with it the capacity to forgive and begin again, to work through the difficulty in the interest of love.
Any thoughts?
posted by Barbara at 12:17 PM
8 Comments:
I'm not sure what you mean by "legitimate" love, but in long lasting love I think there has to be something there that is constant and unwavering in order for the relationship to survive the various challenges that may occur, including extended breaks. Faith in the relationship, I guess you could call it.
I think that forgiveness kind of needs to be part of the package, because if it's not there, then the love is probably mostly gone too. And these things can happen on all kinds of different levels with emotion, gut instinct, intellect, and common sense thrown into the mix.
Cyndy -- Legitimate is probably the wrong word. I meant to convey the sense of bonafide or real. I admit that this kind of love can exist in all sorts of illegitimate scenarios!
Part of what must be continuous is the ability to give of yourself without keeping a ledger, without making what you give conditional. What you are able to give will wax and wane, but your willingness to give what you can must be constant. You give knowing that everything you give is lost forever, including your self.
Just my personal thoughts here.I've learned a lot about unconditional love, and forgiveness, in the past year of my life, and I do think a strong relationship can get over the most enormous seeming gaps, breaks and obstacles...
I like to think of love as a garment - something with which you clothe yourself, warm yourself, and will cover your sins. You can always share it with others in need. It's stretchy, accommodating any figure, soft and strong as silk, and so varied in color and hue that it compliments any complexion. It may fray at the edges but can be mended with care. It is the first thing you reach for when you need cuddling, the thing you toss over the shoulders of someone who's cold. It never hangs unworn in the back of the closet like the show-off garments or those chosen for fashion but don't fit. There are times when nakedness is love (birth, bedding, death) but most often, I think, love is a garment that wraps us in pleasure so large we are impelled to share it.
Ulysses -- I agree that keeping score should be reserved for the soccer field, not for any personal relationship!
Karen -- Most people have a hard time consistently showing unconditional love and forgiveness, but they are such important qualities of a lasting relationship.
Pauline -- I would prefer to think of the love garment as one made for two people! I loved thinking through all your imagery.
I really liked Ulysses' comment.
I think love will naturally ebb and flow, like most things -- sometimes you feel close to your partner and other times you're just getting through the day. The love is still there, but it's hiding out, you know?
Love, or the concrete manifestations of it, can't be given as rewards -- that's not love, that's manipulation.
I'm still working on the conditionality of love. It's hard; I'm human. I push people away to protect myself and because I get tired and irritable, angry and sad. But I still love.
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