Retaining My Mouth

Well, my mouth had all of 24 hours of complete freedom. It would now appear that I have traded a mouthful of metal for a mouthful of plastic.

That little word “retainer” sounded so innocent, so unobtrusive, so seductive while I was wearing my braces. Today I went in to pick up my retainers, thinking they would be little nothings that slipped on and off, relatively unnoticed. WRONG! They are these plastic molds that fit over my teeth, causing me to salivate and lisp and be generally uncomfortable. I thought I had paid my dues during the last 22 months. Now this!

As I leave for Mexico this weekend, they are giving me little pieces of advice – if an edge of one of the retainers is rubbing my gum raw, just use an emery board and file it off. Great! Just what I needed to hear.

I’m sure in a week this won’t be such a big deal. But right now it puts me in a pissy mood and makes me wonder if my mouth will ever really be free again. I remember just yesterday pledging on a stack of Bibles to wear the retainers. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I remember that.

The good news is that I only have to wear the top retainer during the daytime since I have a little wire bonded to the back of my front bottom teeth. To that I say that if it is this uncomfortable with just the top retainer in, how in the world am I going to sleep with them both in?

Pardon me while I feel oh-so-sorry for myself. I guess I should just remind myself about the “full YOUTHFUL smile” that my orthodontist bestowed upon me yesterday. Do all smiles of this nature come at such a cost?

I wonder at what age I will finally say to hell with retaining and simply accept the fact that I will be long gone before my teeth have a chance to shift back into utter crookedness again? Hm...