Troubles at Home
I seem to have a case of perpetually leaky eyes today as I feel the weight of a family crisis that seems irresolvable. I can’t provide the specifics because my family occasionally reads my Blog.Suffice it to say, this problem has been years in the making. It’s nothing new. It would be more surprising if it suddenly went away.
I start to detest myself as the unmerciful nag I’m accused of being. I have tried so hard to limit my inquiries and suggestions to things that involve other family members, the dogs, and the safety of our house. But inevitably I seem to cross some line and become nothing but a source of annoyance.
I long to share interesting conversations with this highly intelligent person – conversations that put us on an equal footing as responsible adults. But instead our encounters always degenerate into wishes for separation and release.
I ask myself if this is the way it will always be. Do old family wounds ever really heal? Will anything other than distance allow me to replace the feelings of sadness, anger, and frustration that currently occupy my heart?
posted by Barbara at 12:56 PM
8 Comments:
Sounds all too familiar. I'm here to listen.
Old family wounds CAN heal, but they don't always. Still, you have to try. You've been so open hearted and compassionate, anything but a nag. Sending you lots of loving energy as you move through this!
We're now at the bargaining table. I think a truce is in the making.
OL and Reya -- Thanks for your support. I consider you both to be the best of friends. Keep that positive energy coming!
Oh, I'm sorry you're having family difficulties. I hope the truce comes through!
We all have our family wounds I believe and my experience is that they can't all be healed. My wife always say: ‘It works if you work it, so work it, your worth it’. Sometimes I feel it might take a life time and some might just be unhealed so maybe we have to live with them. Whatever the problems are, I do wish you a nice and quiet Sunday and a lovely week head:-)
Families have the advantage or disadvantage of being far more intimate and having greater detail than outsiders. This can be used to cause great harm.
De-escalating from a situation is hard. PEople need to be given time to cool off and to try and refocus. The goal is always to focus on the issue and not onthe persons involved. One technique is to sit together and to imagine the problem as a seperate entity across from you. This is an attempt to objectify the problem and remove it from the context of any persons involved.
I will pray that things resolve themselves well and that reasoned discussion can take place.
I'm sorry to hear of this strife in your family. I like Richard's ideas if they would willingly participate. It is hard to face problems of this nature head on because that means you definitely have to acknowlege them, but you can't change what you don't acknowledge so that has to be the beginning. I've never really had much experience with this type of thing, but I know I'd be shying away from it and finding it uncomfortable. I wish you gentle blessings in all of this.
I am happy to report that the truce is holding. It's interesting that reading about my sadness in my Blog and seeing my readers' comments may have helped to convince my family member of my sincerity. We've had some very constructive conversations in the last 2 days. There are bumps in the road in any relationship and families are no exception.
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