Being In Between

I had an interesting conversation with Rebecca yesterday. She has recently sworn off everything to do with Reclaiming and Feri, declaring that these practices did not bring out the best in her. And from her description, this is an understatement. This amounts to letting friendships of 20 years slip away and not attending rituals involving people who are still very attached to these traditions. This leaves her in that precarious position of giving up a lot and not yet having enough to completely replace it with, resulting in a calm, clean emptiness.

There was a time in my life when I felt something similar. For several years after I converted to Judaism, I continued to sing in the National Presbyterian Church choir. I stopped reciting the Apostles’ Creed and saying the Lord’s prayer. I stopped taking communion. When I wasn’t singing, I simply read the Bible (the Old Testament), pretty much cover to cover. Although the music continued to be as beautiful as ever, there was something lost when I became a performer and not a believer. I was in a religious limbo. At some point, I severed my ties with NPC and began wandering through a religious desert, looking for a way of belonging to my new faith that would give me the same level of satisfaction that I had once felt in the Presbyterian church. It was not until I joined Temple Micah 5 years ago that I once again had this feeling.

Being in between is not a comfortable place to be. It’s much easier to fully belong and to know that those around you have similar feelings. I hope Rebecca finds a new sense of belonging.