Tuesday, November 22, 2005

A State of Calm

I am feeling remarkably calm as I move forward toward my surgery tomorrow morning at 11 AM. This time is so different from the last.

Last time I did it completely on my own, probably by my choice. (I think I was trained to be a martyr-stoic-speak-no-pain type growing up.) I listened to my “Successful Surgery CD” ahead of time – over and over – until I could practically recited it. I drove myself to the hospital. No one was there when I went into surgery. I didn’t insist that anyone stay afterwards. I was in such denial that I got up the next day and drove to the grocery store. For heavens sake – how STUPID!

This time I have been very open with everyone about what is happening and haven’t felt compelled to be so independent. I haven’t opened the plastic wrap of my new “Successful Surgery” CD. But instead I am buoyed up by messages and thoughts and promises of prayers. I even sense by ESP some that haven’t been spoken or written – now isn’t that weird? I still plan to use the CD during surgery if I can find a portable CD player before then. But if not, I probably just won’t need it because there is such a positive field of energy growing around me.

For 2 weeks I have been putting a dab of FEARLESS oil on my wrists every morning after I shower. In addition to smelling wonderful, it has given me extra courage to face whatever is coming with calm and understanding. I really love my life and all the people who now are so important to me.


Blogger Reya Mellicker said...

What are you doing up at this crazy hour, girlfriend??

As for your surgery, you will prevail. Much love and many thoughts headed in your direction.

9:50 PM  
Anonymous John said...

I'm thinking good thoughts for you, and looking forward to your return.

3:30 AM  
Blogger Barbara said...

I just found these comments and thank you both for your support. It worked!

Reya -- It was really 7:40 am. I always forget to change the clock when I post, so it makes me appear to be an insomniac that I really am not.

John -- We really need to meet. I feel like I know you and am always wondering if you are at TM when I am there. I hope your dissertation defense goes well and you can legitimately claim your PhD soon!

1:28 PM  

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