Tuesday, November 22, 2005

A State of Calm

I am feeling remarkably calm as I move forward toward my surgery tomorrow morning at 11 AM. This time is so different from the last.

Last time I did it completely on my own, probably by my choice. (I think I was trained to be a martyr-stoic-speak-no-pain type growing up.) I listened to my “Successful Surgery CD” ahead of time – over and over – until I could practically recited it. I drove myself to the hospital. No one was there when I went into surgery. I didn’t insist that anyone stay afterwards. I was in such denial that I got up the next day and drove to the grocery store. For heavens sake – how STUPID!

This time I have been very open with everyone about what is happening and haven’t felt compelled to be so independent. I haven’t opened the plastic wrap of my new “Successful Surgery” CD. But instead I am buoyed up by messages and thoughts and promises of prayers. I even sense by ESP some that haven’t been spoken or written – now isn’t that weird? I still plan to use the CD during surgery if I can find a portable CD player before then. But if not, I probably just won’t need it because there is such a positive field of energy growing around me.

For 2 weeks I have been putting a dab of FEARLESS oil on my wrists every morning after I shower. In addition to smelling wonderful, it has given me extra courage to face whatever is coming with calm and understanding. I really love my life and all the people who now are so important to me.

3 Comments:

Blogger Reya Mellicker said...

What are you doing up at this crazy hour, girlfriend??

As for your surgery, you will prevail. Much love and many thoughts headed in your direction.

9:50 PM  
Anonymous John said...

I'm thinking good thoughts for you, and looking forward to your return.

3:30 AM  
Blogger Barbara said...

I just found these comments and thank you both for your support. It worked!

Reya -- It was really 7:40 am. I always forget to change the clock when I post, so it makes me appear to be an insomniac that I really am not.

John -- We really need to meet. I feel like I know you and am always wondering if you are at TM when I am there. I hope your dissertation defense goes well and you can legitimately claim your PhD soon!

1:28 PM  

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