Wednesday, August 27, 2008


Now that my anger is dissipating, I realize how much I miss my zany friend. After all, she was the one who tempted me to crawl out of my well-worn traditional shell and experience life a little more fully.

I miss the mid-week lunches where we luxuriated in comfort food, drank wine, and always shared dessert.

I miss trips to funky places like Takoma Park, where we shopped for beads and just soaked up the hippy culture of the place.

I miss paddling around on the Tidal Basin in the little boats.

I miss looking at the river and occasionally experiencing a profound moment like a pillar of cloud.

I miss common-sense remedies for things that doctors were perplexed about.

I miss watching her take pictures of all the things I would have otherwise overlooked.

I miss learning about physics from someone who can’t even read a math formula, but understands exactly what it means anyway.

I miss having her tell me how to drive in a city I know like the back of my hand.

I even miss talking about all the things we wanted to do together, but never got around to.

Don’t get me wrong. I love all my other friends, who are more or less just like me. But everyone can profit from having a zany friend, who is unlike any other. Maybe it’s a once-in-a-lifetime experience you just file away someday to tell your grandchildren about as you pull out a crystal still charged with Reiki.


Blogger Kristin said...

Is the friendship really and truly over? Is there no way to make amends - if not now, later? I am sorry for the loss. For both of you. It's hard to lose a friend.

12:52 PM  
Blogger Barbara said...

Kristin -- There was no official declaration of the end, but there also has been no indication of any desire on her part to continue it, despite the fact that I left the door open.

12:58 PM  
Blogger Steve said...

Maybe it's just a little soon. Obviously I don't know the particulars of this situation, but what if you just let things simmer down for a while, and in a month or a couple of months, reach out again?

1:11 PM  
Blogger bulletholes said...

I'll be your zany socks don't match, I've never been to whereever you live and I can't even add!

Barb, you is so sweet! I know you miss your'll be OK.

2:19 PM  
Blogger mouse (aka kimy) said...

my heart broke when I read this post.

I hope that anger will totally dissipate and you and your zany friend will find yourselves traveling together on a path of friendship ...

the loss of a friend due to misunderstanding and/or miscommunication can be as difficicul, or sometimes more painful than a loss due to more "permanent" means (eg death)....

but, time has a way to healing. one never knows.....what is meant to be always be -- sometimes life gives us occasional fits, starts, gaps, and groans with the people that find a way into our hearts.....

hugs. xxxx

2:36 PM  
Blogger Barbara said...

Steve -- You are so wise and I am always so impatient. I will do exactly as you suggest. I sincerely hope you are right that there may be a positive outcome in the end. Living in the present moment is the difficult part for me, always.

Bulletholes -- You ARE a zany friend, even in cyberspace. I can picture you doing all the fun things with me that I used to do with her. Besides, you would even be willing to cook with me!

2:38 PM  
Blogger Barbara said...

Mouse -- I just have to count on TIME to work some magic here. Return hugs coming your way.

2:40 PM  
Blogger Mother of Invention said...

Guess my comment on your last post belongs here and reading these comments I do think there will be a good chance of recovering the friendship. If it was a solid friendship, then this won't end it. I suspect that she is just a very direct, shoots from the hip person who spoke her mind and called it as she saw and felt it. I have no doubt you guys will patch things up and maybe even with a new respect for each other.

9:23 AM  
Blogger Mo said...

I lost touch with one of my best "zany friends" three years ago, and two days before I left Chicago last month, he found me and we got together for lunch. We had the best time, yet we both agreed that taking a friendship hiatus was necessary, even though we viewed it as more permanent at the time. We just needed a little space to breathe and grow, and when we reconnected, the friendship was even better.

I'm sorry for your loss, and I hope that you will find peace or reconnect with this person in the future when the time is right...

10:18 AM  
Blogger Barbara said...

MOI -- I hope you are right, but I'm not so optimistic.

Mo -- I love your story. I hope I have a matching one some day.

2:35 PM  
Blogger lettuce said...

barbara, i've learned a lot lately about waiting and patience and hope - i know what its like wanting a relationship to heal but having to recognise the limits to what i can do and having to trust the other person

time can do amazing things
some of the cliches are cliches because they are true

i hope it will work out happily

4:57 AM  
Blogger Barbara said...

Lettuce -- I hope you are right because this was a very special friendship and every day when I wake up I remember how much I miss it.

7:59 AM  

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