Gifting Money
Giving away money to anyone always begs the question of how it will be used. As many legitimate uses exist, there is still be possibility that your donation will purchase drugs or alcohol.On our recent Chicago road trip, we were stopped at a light when a young woman knocked on our window and told us her baby was in the car, which was out of gas, and she was trying to get to Milwaukee. Several people quickly found money and handed it to her through the open window before the light changed. As she disappeared, a man walking past said, “She’s out here every night.”
The initial reaction is one of anger for having been scammed. The driver of our car, my friend KC’s daughter, said, “You’ve put it out there to the universe. You did exactly the right thing.” And it’s true, we had absolutely no way to know what became of those dollars intended for gas. Maybe they did buy gas or dinner for a young child. We’ll never know.
But it’s the this type of thing that makes us suspicious of any appeal for money. At our RAK meeting, when I brought up the idea of contributing to help with school projects in Mozambique, the group was skeptical because I had learned of this project through Blogging. How did we know that these people were real? That they were doing the good deeds reported in their Blog posts?
I’m sure there is deceit in the Blogging world, as there is in the world in general, but I like to think my Blogging family is on the up and up. I came home determined to do something to help the poor people in southern Africa, even if my neighborhood group was not convinced.
But this begs the issue of how best to help at a distance. There are inherent dangers in giving money, but it costs so much to ship things. And if we’re talking about putting a roof on a school, that is something that simply must be bought locally.
I think each of us would like to assure that our gifts go as far as possible to help their intended recipients. But at some point we find ourselves having to trust in the goodness and intentions of others.
posted by Barbara at 9:01 AM
19 Comments:
Barbara, oh my! Shall I give you reference addresses of friends I still have from my "American times"? I can, I will post them to you via email. Or shall I give you my telephone number so your friends can call me? If I answer the phone and blabber, then you know I am an alcoholic? I find this hilarious, thinking of me as a fat old guy trying to scrounge money for a school building roof and then grab it from the hands of the workers to buy me booze.
I am actually a bit shaken (though I still find it funny) that anybody doubts my sincerity. But if your friends would rather not give any donation because they have been cheated before, then I can understand it, and they should just leave it.
But Barbara, you have my email address, and feel free to pass it on to your friends. I will answer to anyone who wants to write me. I know this is not a proof, either, but what other proof can I give you? I wanted to meet your son in Hamburg, but he did not read my email in time and did not respond to my phone call. He could have told you that I am real, and that Val and I have not been making up stories to get booze money (I am still snorting with laughter). There is a certain amount of trust you should give to your fellowmen and -women, and if you get cheated once or even twice, it does not mean that ALL people are liars. I am not.
I believe as you and those in your car did that it is better to err on the side of charity than to deny someone in need. After all, why would that woman be on the street begging if she had another alternative? As for Angela and the school roof, I hope your neighborhood people see the worthiness of this project. Much love to you and yours this long holiday season and I look forward to catching up in person in January.
Kate (since blogger is back to not recognizing me :)
I was always taught as a child to have no regrets after giving a gift --any gift no matter what, and I'm glad my parents taught me that, because if money gets misspent (which is the way it goes sometimes) I can just shrug it off and not let it effect the next gift.
I am of the mindset that I shouldn't give money away if I have an opinion on how it should be used. Well, not if I'm going to be upset that my opinion's dismissed, anyway. It gets back to the whole Taoism thing - the right path for one is not necessarily the right path for another. Who am I to criticize?
Through travel, I have heard time and time again that giving money to beggars only grows the problem. Giving money to organizations doing good helps.
In a few weeks, I'll share stories Africa. (I look forward to meeting people there and seeing the projects!) But only your group can decide if you're OK giving the money.
ps Barbara You're very sweet and good and patient. hats off to you.
Dear Barbara, I have just sent you an email and said I KNOW that you mean well! You are in a quandary, wanting to do something real nice and then having to justify it! But yes, why don`t you wait till Kristin has SEEN it all with her own eyes? Best solution perhaps.
I think I heard Garrison keillor say once in that soothing voice of his:
"It never does any harm to be kind to someone"
I gave 5 bucks to a guy once that I was sure would spend it on some wine. Maybe he bought wine and got rolled for the other 2.50 I don't know, but I know the drunken light that was in his eyes when I gave it to him....and the way it made me feel...
I mean, what good would it have done to give him a Sermon, or put a stipulation on the money? None...
I saw a story last night where folks are knockin on doors for handouts and its a dangerous situation, i don't doubt that, but it may be an indicator of how tough this economy is on everybody, even the Paqnhandlers.
my Advice? give an extra dollarat the corner to the addict, the drunk, the poor SOB down on his luck.
If an appeal comes across the blog wires and involves an actual organization, then perhaps it's worth spending five minutes trying to do some due diligence to find out if the thing is legit. When the appeal is from someone on the street, we need to use our best instant judgment. Recently, I received a similar "out of gas" appeal from a woman who pulled up to my car in her BMW. I declined to give her money.
My, My! Whatever happened to tzadakah? Perhaps a blog post on this concept and important part of ethics is in order. I would be happy to give a small donation to Angela. I also recommend checking out http://www.kiva.org/ if you've not done so and maybe a group of your blogging buddies can make a team effort there.
PS: I am looking for a job in the sorriest economy seen in my life time, but still consider it an obligation to give what I can. Barbara, if you'll give Angela my e-mail, perhaps we will meet and discuss this further.
Everyone -- Thanks for all your heartfelt comments. I feel I must take some blame for not presenting the African projects with enough substance. I should have done my homework beforehand and gathered the interesting information I got after the fact before trying to tell the group about these exciting possible ways to help. I will continue to share information with my friends and neighbors. (It was actually just a couple of people who were expressing doubts.)
E is absolutely correct about the Jewish imperative to give to the less fortunate. Jews are expected to give tzadakah to those who are in need without even asking questions about legitimacy.
" There were beggars in the street but they only add by way of contrast to the effulgence of our procession. And, besides, are they beggars? Augustus Caesar attired himself in beggars clothes one day a year and asked for alms in the highways of Rome."
~ Ben Hecht
(from Michigan Avenue : One Thousand and One Afternoons in Chicago)
Squirrel -- You are such a wise, well-read animal. I love your recent contributions to the discussions on my Blog.
pretty well any kind of giving to anyone involves a bit of risk, don't you think?
without risks and trust, where would we be?
Lettuce -- Life is all about risks and trust. I totally agree!
I struggled with this constantly when I lived in Africa. I asked one of my language teachers how I could know when to give money to beggars, and he said, "Sometimes you give, and sometimes you don't."
Translation: You don't really have to know what will happen to your gift. Just give when it feels right. When the money leaves your hands you no longer have control over it, and doing something is better than doing nothing.
Steve -- I love the translation. In truth the act of giving is just as beneficial for the giver as it is for the recipient.
Living in Richmond, CA and being around an urban area, I often get asked for money. My friend from Oakland once said, "They can ask you for it or they can take it from you" and I try to keep that in perspective. I give every now and then, if the person is not intimidating. The last person I gave a couple of bucks to was a fellow outside of a Starbucks who said, "Hey pretty lady with the nice smile, can you spare any change for me today?" I am a sucker for flattery! :::grin:::
I give every month to an organization who provides meals for a quarter and works with long term solutions to people's problems.
When I liven in Albany, there was one fellow who lived in our street, literally in our street. I would give to him because he became "my" homeless guy. He left suddenly and I worried about him.
Kellyann -- I've come to see that we all have different approaches to giving a helping hand, and that's totally OK. The important thing is to feel good about what you do, no matter what it is, and not to judge the approach someone else takes.
I can imagine you are an extremely generous person.
well gifting money is really cool. I just love it.
Post a Comment
<< Home