Thursday, July 01, 2010

Home Alone

It is so quiet in my house.  I am home alone with only Jake to keep me company.  He’s keeping his eye on me as best he can in its cloudy old-dog condition.
My son is across the country now living in SF and looking for a job.  I hope he finds his dream job, but if not any job to pay the rent.  He’s very excited and I am excited too to now have a floor where I can crash if I go for a visit.
My husband got a call earlier in the week that his 95-year-old mother was in the hospital and was probably dying.  He and his siblings wisely decided not to go for any heroic measures to prolong a life that is destined to terminate.
He flew out to Detroit yesterday to say his goodbyes.  He didn’t find someone who was comatose in the hospice unit of the big hospital.  But rather someone who maybe knew who he was and although agitated was not dying just yet.  In fact she keeps saying “I don’t want to die.”  It’s somewhat unclear what her condition really is since their only job now it to keep her comfortable, not to keep prodding and probing.  So now he’s in a quandary as to whether to wait it out or come home and go back when the time comes.

But meanwhile I am really missing him.  I had to remind myself to feed the dog tonight and bring the trash cans back in, jobs that are usually his.  I am embarrassed to say I had to call him up and ask how to listen to messages on our answering system since he always takes care of checking them.  The bed seems so huge without another body in it.  
Cooking for one is somewhat challenging.  I made a big pot of ratatouille since we got most of the ingredients in our CSA share this week.  I had a lot of leftovers.  But I was able to eat pasta without complaints from someone who doesn’t like it.
Jake complains bitterly about being left alone when I go out since one of us is otherwise usually around.
Never, ever having lived alone, this only child is somewhat freaked out by being home alone for days on end.


Blogger Gary said...

Oh, Barbara. Sorry you are feeling lonely in being alone. Your post made me realize that I have never lived alone either but I do spend quite a bit of time alone. I tend to enjoy being alone in a home that has activity (and if that activity is someone cooking, even better :) But I do relish when I have time to myself with an empty house. Try to make the most of it. As your husband's mom could tell you, each day is precious.

sending good thoughts your way.

11:04 PM  
Blogger Steve said...

I'm sorry about David's mom. I hope she's comfortable and can spend some quality time with him and his siblings.

I can't imagine never having lived alone. I actually enjoyed it for years -- savor your freedom! And then be ready to embrace the family when they return! :)

8:48 AM  
Blogger Russell said...

Sorry to hear about your husband's mother. However, sometimes it is nice for a person to have a bit of time alone -- well, of course, with your companion, Jake!

I enjoyed your last post about all the coins. I always put any loose change in a Ziplock bag I have in my car. I use it for parking meters and to give to clerks -- so I don't have to get 94 cents back in change when I buy something!

Sometimes in my classes I ask if anyone has a penny or a nickel -- sort of a little way to break things up. More often than note no one does - and that surprises me.

If I asked if anyone had a new cell phone that would be different!

Take care.

9:24 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Oh, Barbara, I'm sorry for the feelings of loneliness. Being all on your own when it's not your choice can be tough. If you get to feeling freaked out, pick up the phone. Friends and loved ones are around you. I'll check in later. Your husband and his mom are also in my heart.



10:50 AM  
Blogger Cyndy said...

I'm very sorry to hear about your mother-in-law. I hope she is enjoying her family's company as much as she can.

My husband has been out on tour for almost a month. It's been unusually calm, peaceful, and uncomplicated around here but I do miss him at night. I haven't had the amount of alone time that I am used to, and apparently enjoy, for the past five years. But I would imagine if you don't like being alone it must get pretty lonely. At least you have Jake.

1:56 PM  
Anonymous Ginger said...

Barb: I can relate - I have never lived alone - went from college dorm to marriage! I think we are relics. Hope David's mom is comfortable. I deal with patients and families every day regarding their choices at the end of life - these are hard decisions! Send him good thoughts from me. Ginger

10:21 PM  
Blogger Kristin said...

I'm sorry to hear about your mother-in-law and the position in which David finds himself. It must be hard to decide what to do in that situation.

It is wonderful, though, as horrible as it is to miss your husband as much as you do. It says a lot about your relationship. A lot of good things, that is.

I hope the days aren't too long without him!

11:04 PM  

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