Sentiments Upon Leaving
The act of leaving elicits an emotional reaction on the part of the one who is staying and the one who is going. This is true when you leave your kindergarten teacher to go to first grade, when you leave your parents to go off to college, when you leave a job, when you leave a therapist.
I hired a bright young superstar several years ago right out of the U of Wisconsin. He was without a doubt the most impressive person I have ever supervised in my 35-year career. He was a technical whiz. But he could also write. At 25, he had become an invited speaker at international conferences, where he would invariably win "Best Paper." Several months ago, he told me he was applying for a position in another agency that would ultimately give him a promotion. I had nothing to counter this with, so I was not surprised when he got the job and left. My reaction as his supervisor and mentor was one of sadness coupled with happiness for him because the new position would allow him to grow in ways that he couldn’t in our office. When he presented me with a beautiful little glass unicorn just before leaving, we talked about our feelings. I miss him every day.
This came to mind as I was contemplating my upcoming last appointment with two different therapists. I am experiencing a combination of sadness, a slight nervousness about the loss of this safety net, and the exhilaration of being on my own. I wonder how they are feeling? After seeing each other every week for quite a long time, I would certainly hope that I represent more than just a monthly check. Will there be any feeling of sadness on their part when someone else occupies my appointed hour each week? Will they ever think back to the conversations we had or will the notes for my case just go into a historical file or even into the recycle bin never to emerge again? I’m pretty sure both of these people care deeply about my future success, but will they allow themselves to be just a little sad at my leaving?
The truth is that I’ll most certainly never know. In formal therapist training, close on the heels of "No physical contact (hugs) for the client/patient" is the admonishment "Don’t reveal your own feelings." I most definitely want them to be happy for me and supportive of my moving on, but part of me wants to think that they will miss me.
I hired a bright young superstar several years ago right out of the U of Wisconsin. He was without a doubt the most impressive person I have ever supervised in my 35-year career. He was a technical whiz. But he could also write. At 25, he had become an invited speaker at international conferences, where he would invariably win "Best Paper." Several months ago, he told me he was applying for a position in another agency that would ultimately give him a promotion. I had nothing to counter this with, so I was not surprised when he got the job and left. My reaction as his supervisor and mentor was one of sadness coupled with happiness for him because the new position would allow him to grow in ways that he couldn’t in our office. When he presented me with a beautiful little glass unicorn just before leaving, we talked about our feelings. I miss him every day.
This came to mind as I was contemplating my upcoming last appointment with two different therapists. I am experiencing a combination of sadness, a slight nervousness about the loss of this safety net, and the exhilaration of being on my own. I wonder how they are feeling? After seeing each other every week for quite a long time, I would certainly hope that I represent more than just a monthly check. Will there be any feeling of sadness on their part when someone else occupies my appointed hour each week? Will they ever think back to the conversations we had or will the notes for my case just go into a historical file or even into the recycle bin never to emerge again? I’m pretty sure both of these people care deeply about my future success, but will they allow themselves to be just a little sad at my leaving?
The truth is that I’ll most certainly never know. In formal therapist training, close on the heels of "No physical contact (hugs) for the client/patient" is the admonishment "Don’t reveal your own feelings." I most definitely want them to be happy for me and supportive of my moving on, but part of me wants to think that they will miss me.
posted by Barbara at 1:00 PM
2 Comments:
I'm feeling good about it. It's right.
I'm certain your psychotherapist won't be as forthcoming, do you think??
Kathryn's face will be exactly the same as it has been for the past 9 months as we have our "closure" session (as she calls it) on Thursday at 7 AM. She'll simply say Goodbye as I leave the house with the million colored doors. I seriously doubt I will ever see her again unless I just happen to run into her on the street, in a mall, or in some other random place. I would be very surprised if it were any other way.
I'm happy I will still see you sometimes and trade Blog comments!
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