Emerging

I have spent the past two years emerging from a very old, very hard shell – sort of like a butterfly shedding its chrysalis in slow motion. Two years ago I was moving through the motions of life, having a job and a loving husband and a family to manage, but I was emotionally unengaged and not a very happy person much of the time.

During the past two years I have called upon multiple forms of therapy and my life is quite different today. What have I learned on this journey?

– How very important friends are. I can have good friends and I can be one. Just last night at TM services, my friend Elizabeth told me how radiant I looked and how glad she was to know me. This is as I was standing there in jeans with hair that needed to be washed. Her somewhat shy friend Ben confided to me that he was enjoying reading my Blog. I want to cultivate these types of friendships.
– My body has its share of problems, but some of them may be fixable. With lots of intervention I am bringing greater strength to my legs and working on structural problems that inhibit me in walking.
– My body is resilient. I have weathered surgeries and treatment for melanoma and thyroid cancer and today feel stronger than ever.
– I can improve my appearance with not a lot of effort. A hair job every two months and a little makeup do wonders.
– I am a much better partner for my husband physically and emotionally when I am happy.
– I love to write. For years and years I NEVER wrote anything about what was happening in my life or how I felt about it. Having my Blog has unleashed a torrent of saved-up words.
– There are so many well-qualified people out there to help with all sorts of issues. I have experienced: massage therapy, acupuncture, psychotherapy, and physical therapy. You could conclude that I must really have been a mess to require all of this, but they have been extremely helpful.
– Yoga and meditation can do wonders for the connection of body, mind, and soul. I have become an integral part of communities of people who follow these practices.
– It is so much fun to play the piano with other people. For many years I played alone. For even more years I didn’t play at all. Then I started playing with Bill and Deborah and music took on a whole new meaning.
– I can exercise regularly and even like it. And it makes such a difference in the way I feel.
– I can believe in myself. For the longest time I would immediately assume that I was at fault, especially in problems that had to do with relationships. I have a renewed self-confidence that makes me feel so much better about myself.

I’m finally ready to emerge and try more things on my own without so much help. I’m stopping psychotherapy this week. I’m moving to a new massage therapist where I will probably go only once a month.

For the most part this has been a totally positive experience. My only sadness centers around a therapist who also became my friend. I hope with a redefinition of our relationship that our friendship can survive. But I will fly one way or the other and hope to sometimes meet up at the same milkweed.