Tuesday, June 27, 2006

Probing Where the Sun Don't Shine

Almost as dreaded as the C word is that periodic reminder that it’s time to have another colonoscopy. I was so hoping my friend, doctor, and musical partner Deborah would just forget that this is the year, but she never forgets anything and sure enough, she reminded me after one of our practice sessions by handing me a list of three doctors who specialize in endoscopy. Why anyone would want to have a medical specialty that involves probing people’s colons is beyond me.

I’ve had only one previous colonoscopy. Everyone told me that the preparation was much worse than the actual procedure, that the twilight they put you under masked all pain. That was definitely not true in my case. I can remember screaming out in agony as the probe rounded the corners of my colon. That doctor left me with the news that he had removed a small polyp and an admonishment to never again go for twilight.

So three years later, I sit here drinking Lemon-Lime TriLyte, the prep that “cleans you out.” It’s this weird sort of chalky tasting powder that comes in a 4-liter bottle with 5 optional flavor packets: Cherry, Lemon-Lime, Mixed Berry, Pineapple, and Orange. It’s simple – you just add the flavor, fill the bottle with water, shake it up, and start drinking an 8-ounce glass of the “cocktail” every 10 minutes. You continue this until everything is crystal clear and then you are ready. From that point on, you can have only clear liquids, like chicken broth and white grape juice until after the procedure.

Mid-day tomorrow I have my probe. The good news is that there are no after effects. In fact, I am rewarding myself by having two of my favorite people over to dinner. I will definitely be good and hungry by then.

But for now, I drink and gag. This stuff is really GROSS! I’m on glass #4 right now. I should in fact be thanking my lucky stars that this is all it takes to avoid colon cancer. The taste isn’t really that bad...

(Tuesday AM)

This morning my colon is undoubtedly cleaner than it has ever been. For breakfast I am sipping the gourmet combo of clear chicken broth, white grape juice, and green tea. Yummmm...

Got any good colonoscopy stories to share?


Blogger Kate said...

Is there such a thing as a "good" colonoscopy story? I guess having a result that says --- come back in 5 years is the best one can hope for!

I am due also.........dreading the prep.


2:12 PM  
Blogger Barbara said...

I'm home and I must say I don't remember a thing, which was exactly the way I wanted it to be. One small polyp, so I guess I'm due in another 3 years. Not so bad now that it's over!

3:50 PM  
Blogger Kristin said...

I had my first (and so far only) colonscopy when I was 20. I'm glad that I don't have repeat for a while. It was not the highlight of my college career. I can empathize, though.

4:20 PM  
Blogger Mother of Invention said...

I hate those! I've had 2 and not due for another for 3 more years. The prep is still the same, 2 bottles of this salty stuff called, "Fleet" and NO flavours! I am usually feeling pretty rough for a few days after. The first one I was more or less awake, the 2nd, completely out. I shall always dread them but I'll get them done since they're better than the alternative!

I'm really glad yours went well!

4:53 PM  
Anonymous Pearl said...

I'm glad that your scope went well. But, I have to tell you - the next time you should come to Detroit. My last 6 have been done by the same doc, with nothing, so that I can watch the monitor. No pain, no after-effects, just joy when I can wait more then 2 years for the next one. (Is this a good colonoscopy story?)

9:11 PM  

Post a Comment

Links to this post:

Create a Link

<< Home