Love of Drugs and Fear of Falling
I have always been so resolute about not taking any drugs that weren’t absolutely a necessity. Until my thyroid removal, I took nothing other than vitamins on a regular basis.
But with this surgery and its accompanying pain, I have come to realize how much more comfortable and pleasant I am when I take my little Percocet pills 2 or 3 times a day. I hope I don’t get addicted to them since they are a narcotic, but for now I’ll take my chances in the interest of getting rid of the pain.
I find myself thinking about, even dreaming about, falling since the accident. I replay in my mind over and over the split second when I took my fall. And I worry that it could happen again. People say things without thinking like, “You really can’t fall again,” which turns out not to be helpful at all.
I dreamed last night of going splat, but my bionic hip actually bounced and left me good as new. I don’t think it actually happens that way, but it was good that in my dream I wasn’t crumbled into a quivering ball.
All I can do is use good sense and try to avoid situations where I would be more likely to fall. The alternative is not to move around and to let all my muscles atrophy. I’ll save that for 30 years from now. There’s still a lot of (level) ground I want to cover!
But with this surgery and its accompanying pain, I have come to realize how much more comfortable and pleasant I am when I take my little Percocet pills 2 or 3 times a day. I hope I don’t get addicted to them since they are a narcotic, but for now I’ll take my chances in the interest of getting rid of the pain.
I find myself thinking about, even dreaming about, falling since the accident. I replay in my mind over and over the split second when I took my fall. And I worry that it could happen again. People say things without thinking like, “You really can’t fall again,” which turns out not to be helpful at all.
I dreamed last night of going splat, but my bionic hip actually bounced and left me good as new. I don’t think it actually happens that way, but it was good that in my dream I wasn’t crumbled into a quivering ball.
All I can do is use good sense and try to avoid situations where I would be more likely to fall. The alternative is not to move around and to let all my muscles atrophy. I’ll save that for 30 years from now. There’s still a lot of (level) ground I want to cover!
posted by Barbara at 9:10 AM
19 Comments:
Read up on fall prevention and get your house checked for potential hazards by a qualified PT. Best steps I ever took!
Fear is always the worst. No fear! Nothing will happen!
I'm always spraining my ankle. I hate having to be careful but it's necessary. I'm a big fan of level ground.
I have a fear of falling, too (I always dream about falling when I'm going through vulnerable times), so I can empathize. I think it's great that in your falling dream your new hip was a source of protection from falls, rather than a source of vulnerability to them. I think your subconscious is trying to tell you something there.
I just came back from a visit to see the surgeon about a false alarm. My lower right leg and ankle were quite swollen last night and elevated legs during the sleep hours didn't seem to make any difference. We know now that if he could have seen my leg, the trip would have been unnecessary, but better to play it safe than end up with a blood clot!
When I expressed my fear of falling to the surgeon, he said "Don't fall but don't worry about it either."
I felt good as the entire office staff cheered as I walked down the hall with my crutches. I'm not used to excelling at any sort of physical activity. My kiss-up husband said (within the doctor's earshot), "I guess that's what a good surgeon will do for you!"
I fall all the time. Sometimes, I worry about it (and I definitely would in your position!), but I've realized that I tend to get back up, only slightly the worse for wear.
Of course, that's from a relatively able-bodied, incredibly klutzy girl. In your position, I'd take the possibility far more seriously. And I fall more when I'm worried. It's a vicious cycle.
Does Percocet help with worry?
There's a place for pain medication, and this is it. As for the worrying, you are undoubtedly traumatized, so it's no wonder. You will heal completely and come out of this better, stronger, and steadier than ever. I believe it.
Being the extremely less than graceful person that I am, I fall rather frequently (I take a good tumble at least once a year), so I do tend to have frequent dreams about falling.
It's normal after a traumatic even to dream about it. Just don't let fear of falling keep you from being as active as you want. The doctor told my sister she could pretty much do what she wanted after her broken hip except bungee jumping or sky diving. He also said she'd be better off if she avoided rock climbing *laughs*. But he said she could resume her hiking and mountain biking as soon as her hip healed.
Kristin -- Percocet makes life a beautiful thing. It seems to address a lot of problems beyond pain!
Jodith -- I have no aspirations of doing heavy-duty outdoor activity, but I am looking forward to walking. The really good news so far is that with the crutches I have an entirely different and better gait than I had before. Today I learned how to manage with just one crutch, which frees up a hand to carry something like a cup of tea. Most people don't go to the extreme of breaking a hip to change their gait, but if that happens it will indeed be a silver lining in an otherwise dark cloud!
Sorry, I didn't follow how you fell so this may be the wrong thing to say, BUT, I had a friend who worked ER who said the number one fall problem in homes is bath mats. Make sure yours is extra grippy or replace it with wall-to-wall.
And, as they sang in Bye! Bye! Birdie! you've "got a lot of living to do"!
Lacochran -- I simply missed the bottom stair of my friend's staircase and landed on my right hip on a hardwood floor. It took about 2 seconds to happen. I would love to be able to wind back the clock, but that doesn't seem possible.
We will be checking our house for potential fall hazards. That and just using common sense are about the best I can do.
Hi Barbara,
I was terrified of falling when I was healing from my broken knee...and we have 15 steps in the house, and another 12 out front, so there was no avoiding them at all. I didn't stumble for a long time, but the first time (I only stumbled twice, never really FELL) scared me so very badly...I broke down in tears - all do to my fear of falling, not from actually falling. So yea, I completely understand your fear. Good luck.
Hugs,
M.
WordWitch -- I'm glad to know I'm not the only one with such a fear. I'm sure it will diminish over time as I learn to trust my new bionic hip.
It's the only rule remember: You're not allowed to fall down. The rest are merely guidelines. I'll let you off the hook about forgetting it the last time, but that's it.
The surreal and sudden loss of daily routine and "normal" capabilities that result from serious illness or injury is so challenging to our psyches...I saw this repeatedly when I worked in the PT/massage therapy field (and from my own experience). Injured people need a lot of emotional support along with pain meds and physical rehab. I'm glad you're getting good doses of all of it! And sorry if this sounds odd, but I'm glad you're dreaming about falling, even though it's scary and uncomfortable. I think it shows that your psyche is really dealing actively with this trauma, working with it, digesting it on the way to integrating it. It's all part of the healing process, right?
XO,
F.
My Mom and Dad shared this story with me about falling last night.
It seems that when my Dad came back from the hospital after having his double bypass surgery, they gave him a pillow to hug as he sat in the car and any other time so that his chest bones could heal.
Mom tells that she bustled ahead to unlock the door and Bob (my brother-in-law) was concerned with getting the luggage or something, because my Dad tottered out of the car, along the side of the garage and up onto the deck, where he missed the step and went head over teakettle.
The way he tells it, he gripped the pillow, rolled with his shoulder and then laid sprawled on the deck, thanking his lucky stars to be ok.
My mom, rounded the corner to see what was taking him so long, saw him sprawled on the deck and in her words, "Almost had a heart attack".
They both chuckle about it now, but Dad will add that "It sure made my shoulder sore!"
What a pair I am related to!
Don't worry too much about the percocet. I took it for close to 6 months when I cracked my tailbone and developed a love for it but no addiction ;)
Your fear of falling may make you so tense that you do fall - just take your time when moving around. Your confidence will grow again.
PT Guy -- Believe me, no one wants more than I do NOT to fall. But I'm the first to admit that accidents do happen.
Anon -- As a new routine starts to emerge and I become more confidently independent, life is slowly settling back to a new definition of normal. There are actually some good outgrowths of this accident -- a new closeness to my husband that we both like a lot.
Kellyann -- I love the story about your parents. What a trooper your dad is!
Pauline -- If you can rationalize the temporary use of narcotics for pain, then so can I!
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