Blogging Ethics Revisited
After reading Rhinestone Cowgirl’s post on privacy yesterday, I have been giving some serious thought to what rules to follow in my own posts. My original rule was simply not to say anything that would hurt another person. But that became problematic when I realized that I could not always judge what would hurt someone. After pulling several posts and soothing hurt feelings, my rule evolved to getting that person’s OK (usually my husband) before posting. This, however, does not address a whole host of other things that I might write about myself or the "approved" posts that might not be appropriate in someone else’s eyes. You can just say "Screw it" and write whatever you damn well please. After all, there are no Blogger police out there reprimanding you for what you write. Or you can write about politics or natural disasters or pets or so many other topics that are (more) safe. But my preference is to write about the things that cause me angst, that touch my heart, that present ethical questions. And those things most always involve me and people that I know well.
This was well and good when no one was reading what I wrote, which was a long time. I now realize, thanks to StatCounter, just how many people from near and far away are looking at what I write. I am starting to feel very conflicted about just what to share with these friends, relatives, and perfect strangers.
I’m wondering if some of this is a gender thing. In reading other people’s Blogs, and I do a lot of that these days, I notice that it’s mostly the women who are writing things that impart so much personal information. AUA's recent post (America Works, January 16, 2006) that talked about his upbringing is one of the few exceptions.
I spent a good part of my therapy session with Kathryn today talking about this issue. She commented that it has seemed to help me so much to be able to write about all the issues churning around within me. I have actually shared several of my posts with her and they have fostered hours of discussion. My new-found openness through writing has helped me forge stronger connections with family members and friends. But I need a much clearer idea of how open I should really be.
Do you share this dilemma?
This was well and good when no one was reading what I wrote, which was a long time. I now realize, thanks to StatCounter, just how many people from near and far away are looking at what I write. I am starting to feel very conflicted about just what to share with these friends, relatives, and perfect strangers.
I’m wondering if some of this is a gender thing. In reading other people’s Blogs, and I do a lot of that these days, I notice that it’s mostly the women who are writing things that impart so much personal information. AUA's recent post (America Works, January 16, 2006) that talked about his upbringing is one of the few exceptions.
I spent a good part of my therapy session with Kathryn today talking about this issue. She commented that it has seemed to help me so much to be able to write about all the issues churning around within me. I have actually shared several of my posts with her and they have fostered hours of discussion. My new-found openness through writing has helped me forge stronger connections with family members and friends. But I need a much clearer idea of how open I should really be.
Do you share this dilemma?
posted by Barbara at 11:27 AM
11 Comments:
Mom always said "if you don't have anything nice to say . . . " etc. :-)
Yes, I know exactly what you're talking about.
I'm careful not to hurt the feelings of people I care about who read my blog. That said, no one in my family even knows I have one, and most of my friends know about it, but don't bother to read. I also have been careful not to write anything negative about my current employer, because I would never want that to come back and bite me in the butt.
I know well the quandry you speak of; if you're writing about ethical issues, you DO want feedback. Yet, getting feedback involves having an audience - and you can't always control who that audience is.
My solution a few months ago was to create another (anonymous) blog, and to use that as my place to write about things that I couldn't on the RC blog. I know it's not the solution for everyone, but it worked for me at the time. I've posted there less and less frequently lately, but it's there in case I ever need it.
~RC
And once again, AUA and I post nearly simultaneously. ;)
First of all, I want to know how you both seem to know within minutes of when I post?! There must be some other techy solution that I don't know about.
AUA -- I don't think mine is really as much an issue of "nice" as "appropriate". It's the question of just how personal to be without going over some line in the sand.
RC -- I'm starting to think I need a secret Blog for all those thoughts that even I have not allowed myself to put into words on this Blog. Looking forward to seeing you tonight for dinner. We can continue this discussion and say whatever we want to off the record!
Absolutely. I end up writing a lot of things that I don't post, won't ever post, and that seems to be enough for me, just getting the words and the thoughts out.
A secret blog, though, seems like a viable alternative.
I tried to post a comment earlier - I apologize if it shows up in duplicate!
I just wanted to say that I do face this problem. I write a lot of things that I will never post, but even that seems enough for me, getting the words and the thoughts out.
A secret blog seems a viable alternative.
Obviously I have not applied any discipline to my blogging and I very well may not. I would never write anything hateful, unless it applies to the present Administration, but beyond that I just let loose. They don't call me motor mouth (substitute pen or keyboard) for naught!
BTW -- there is a happy hour on the 22nd......maybe if you are up to it I might be as well.
If you don't have something nice to say, you still have to place the sentiment somewhere. Otherwise it'll eat you from the inside out. That little voice in your head will tell you if you can make something public or not; the hard part if learning to listen to it.
Looking forward to tonight as well; sounds like we both have plenty to discuss. :)
I don't think of it as much of an issue for me, but I established guidelines for myself before I even enrolled with Blogger.com, so at some point, yes, I had to work through these things. It's just no longer ongoing. Each person has to set their own parameters. Hopefully, you'll find yours.
Barbara:
To some extent...I think it's what you are writing about. I think everyone has thoughts they would never air in public...journals are good for that...but I think you have to set your own rules...as Cube noted she did for herself. If they are your rules...you can decide when you want to break them...or expand them. I think all bloggers that are really trying to write about their true feelings struggle with this. I also think...even though we all try to put our true selves out on our blogs (to some extent)...we are talking about how we see ourselves and it's from our perspective. Thats why I love comments from people...we can hear from the other side how others perceive us. It's a gut decision every day how you share your angst on-line...and you do it very well. And you do it for yourself. Both are important to note I think.
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