Life's Loves
Have you ever thought about what your life might be like now if you had ended up with the first person you ever loved? If you had never experienced the pain of breaking up? If your sexual experiences all involved the same person?
I know people who married their first love, some of whom have been married for decades. They seem to have fared just fine without looking for greener grass or even a different pasture.
I didn’t marry until I was 27 and there were other loves in my life. I’m sad to say that at least one of my boyfriends is no longer living. Although there was no one that I would rather be with today, I learned a lot from those earlier relationships. And I certainly grew and changed in that decade.
Any thoughts? Is life’s collective experience worth the complication it brings?
posted by Barbara at 2:06 PM
7 Comments:
An interesting question and on the face of it, my answer would be yes, because as you observed, it is the only way to learn, and that is part of living.
Do you feel better today?
Strange that you bring this up now...as my ex-fiance just recently popped up looking for me (contacted two of my brothers, as well as trying to friend me via LinkedIn too!). We parted back in the late '80s, and I am EVER so grateful that I did NOT marry him. I have no desire to renew contact with him....though now I understand the lessons that relationship taught me.
E -- I'm not well just yet, but I am better than I was a couple of days ago.
WW -- It's interesting how paths continue to cross, or try to.
I was also 27 when I married. Had quite a few boyfriends before. I recently reconnected with the one who really broke my heart. He's a recent FB friend. He is twice divorced. Can't seem to maintain a relationship. He is a great person--does wonderful work on behalf of disabled people. Devoted father. (one of his children is disabled) I admire him greatly and am so glad I didn't end up married to him. Life, I think, works out the way it is supposed to.
I started having crushes in the first grade. Thank the lord I wasn't stuck with my first grade crush!
Yes, I have wondered about that. I see my first love very casually every few years in public settings, and sometimes wish we could privately share perspectives about our relationship back then. He was a huge part of my life, and almost a lifeline, for a while; but I have no desire to be with him or any other previous partner now. Like you, I've learned a great deal from each significant relationship. I'm still learning in my current relationship, every single day. Intimate relationship is the best mirror!
F.
I think we have all thought about that. I have come to realize that I would be happy with several possible versions of how my life would have played out with each love. I do believe in a great love but I also think it's possible to be truly, madly, deeply in love more than once. Love knows no bounds. And as you write we learn from each one. I'm just happy to be in the game and able to experience the richness of life.
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