A case of open or closed
I think most people have pet peeves about their partners. I have a new one that smacks of OCD on my part.
There are certain doors -- closet doors, pantry door, door to the basement, laundry room door -- that should be closed, at least in my mind that is. I mentioned this to my husband, who laughed and half-heartedly said he would try to remember. But inevitably he leaves them open -- ALWAYS!
My first thought is whether this is something that has been going on forever and I just started to care. Or whether for some reason he has within the past couple of years started refusing to close those doors.
I find myself going through the house banging the doors shut so perhaps he will notice. But so far I don’t think he has.
You are probably saying right now, “If this is the most serious thing these people disagree on, they are in pretty good shape.” And I would agree with you.
I mentioned this to my good friend who has an answer for everything. She suggested that my obsession with closed doors could be related to the doors I need to open to find the passion I am looking for. I’m thinking hard about this. I really am.
I do wonder if I will still be closing these particular doors when I am 90, or if I will no longer care, the way I no longer care about so many things that used to seem important to me.
posted by Barbara at 5:00 PM
10 Comments:
Why do you think these doors should be closed, as opposed to other doors? Is it a neatness thing, hiding your stored stuff?
Strange that the doors are only recently bothering you - is it totally new or long established? Some doors bother me but more cupboard doors than anything else. (I tend to hit my head a lot.)
Steve -- To a degree I think it is a neatness thing, but I also don't to give our dog Jake access to things in the pantry or in the basement, so those doors should be closed.
Just writing about this has helped me see this is probably quite silly.
Kristin -- I can't really say when this began or when I started noticing it. The cupboard doors and refrigerator are never really a problem, so I guess I should feel good about that.
Sometimes it is not the things... but the way our significant others do things differently that drive us insane. :::laugh::: today I was annoyed at poor Dr. R. for everything, I think it's the settling into not having a paper immediately due, or maybe just getting better after this stomach thing... poor guy, he just could do no right. Still, sometimes it's the little things (like sleeping in every bed in the house when you have a horrible cold) that annoy me tremendously. In retrospect, it's not such a big deal.
Kelly -- You are so correct. I'll bet I started to notice when I retired 2 years ago and had the time to see things like this! :)
Barbara, I once read this blog called Fly Lady and it helped people keep their house clean. One thing it said was that sometimes people will stop cleaning their house because they get tired of doing more than their spouse, but it pointed out the fallacy of this thinking, by saying that if you didn't live with somebody, you would still have to clean your toilet and you would still have to vacuum your rug, and that that extra person only added a little more to the overall scheme of things. This is so true, but if I wasn't married or living with Dr. R., I would have to deal with his balled up socks in the laundry (::Laugh:::) yech! But then I wouldn't have such a rich and full love life either, so it all works out in the end.
Kelly -- Early on in our marriage, we solved the problem of sharing housecleaning by paying someone to do it. We have never regretted that decision.
Hi Barbara,
Yet another insightful post. My first thought was along the lines of your friend's. I was mulling over the possible 'symbolism' of closed doors vs. open doors in your life. As well as the emotions attached to their state of being (or not) as directed towards your husband.
Then I read you one post down looking for something to be passionate about and now understand more fully the friend's sage advice.
I like it when a friend suggests something different to the general 'status quo' answer. Words that stop me in my tracks and make me start thinking in a new way.
I DO understand the anger part. We all (including your other readers) have some 'area in our lives' that we want to be a certain way. And if our loved ones don't recognize it, acknowledge it and make a feeble attempt to try - then we are angry.
My pet peeve is throwing away empty containers. My children CONSTANTLY empty containers, boxes of cereal, muffin tins, juice cartons and then put them back in pantries, refrigerators. ARGGHHH !! The trash can is RIGHT THERE at their feet!! I still don't get it.
So yes, I do understand. I do ask them repeatedly to throw their trash away. But in the end, they still leave items behind; I still follow behind and clean up after them (now THAT'S a metaphor to ponder) and try not to waste too much emotional energy being angry.
I'm learning I have a finite amount of emotional resources. So I am trying to learn to pick my battles - the ones I have with myself.
xxx
rdm
For me it's my son leaving the dirty china on the counter above the empty dish washer!!!
These little things are definately sent to try us!
xx
My husband takes his clothes off before bed and leaves them on the floor instead of putting them in the laundry or back in the closet. I hold my hand over the horn whenever I pass someone while driving. Ultimately, we live with these things because the love supersedes the annoyance. Keep shutting those doors hard!
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