Tears
It’s hard to watch your adult child cry under any circumstance. Rest assured I was not the cause of the tears my daughter shed just before she left to go back to San Francisco.
She had come home this weekend not totally coincidentally with a trip east by her boyfriend of almost 2 years, who was attending a wedding of old college friends in a neighboring state. There had been talk of the possibility of our driving the two hours to meet him for lunch one day, this boy we have yet to meet.
But as the weekend hours went by, those plans didn’t materialize. There was activity after activity centered around the Indian wedding he was attending and there was no time for a family meet-up either here or there.
I try to look at it objectively, telling myself it was probably a male bonding trip for him, a chance to catch up with old friends. Since none of them had girlfriends in tow, he certainly didn’t need one either.
But this introduction was clearly a priority for our daughter, who had come home in the hope that it would happen. There were lots of phone calls and probably texting, but no meet-up.
She’s a private person, who is reluctant to share the details of any problem. So the tears were the only evidence of the pain she was feeling as she left to go home. It’s probably more than just the aborted family introduction that caused such hurt feelings. It’s probably one of the tolls of a long-distance relationship, since he is in med school most of the year, far from San Francisco where she lives.
But whatever the cause, I am powerless to right what is wrong. She’s an adult with adult problems all her own. I’m just a mother who doesn’t like to see my daughter cry, not about anything.
posted by Barbara at 6:13 PM
8 Comments:
Their problems are always our problems, even when we stay out of them.
I think Merle is probably right........the hardest thing is keeping one's mouth shut..........advice I most often do not heed :(
Sometimes the tears of an adult child are harder to bear than those of a small child. At least when they're little we can hold them and cuddle and comfort. The most we can do for our grownup children is let them know we are there still, to listen and cherish and help if we can. Even adults need to know that someone else cares about what they are going through.
There are so many expectations and thoughts and feeling wrapped up in a relationship. It's hard to believe we all don't cry more often from hurt, anger or frustration as well as happiness. Sympathy.
I hope the tears are just a distant memory as your daughter finds herself home again.
Think of the enormous trust that your daughter showed in letting you see her tears.
My family is going through some big upheavals right now, but there is a secrecy that pervades it all as the the grownup children face some of the hard times of life.
It's my tiny opinion, however, that families that share the hard times somehow make the times easier...and it makes the good times somehow sweeter.
Every girl wants to be a priority to her boy. Any boy that couldn't take four hours out of good times to meet his girlfriend's family... well, he's telling her where she is on his priority list. This can be a hard lesson, but EVERY girl deserves to be number one on her fella's list. Think of your own guy. He would have walked on glass across a burning desert to have the privilege of meeting your family.
I dumped a very good boyfriend because he couldn't take time at Christmas to come to California. It was the best decision I ever made, because it opened the door for Dr. R. to come into my life.
So... hang in there, Barbara!
I'll go ahead and say it based on the sketchy information here...
This guy sounds like a Jerk!
If not a Jerk, then he has a lot to learn.
Thats all I'll say.
I can tell no one wants to cut this guy any slack. That would be my temptation too, but I must defer to my daughter to determine what makes her happy.
This is a timely post, with Dave just moving out to New Jersey and me struggling with what it means for our relationship. (And that's only an hour away!) Without knowing any of the specific circumstances here, I'll say only that it is too bad the guy couldn't have made this work somehow.
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