A Double Standard

I’m trying to understand why some affairs seem so right and others seem absolutely wrong. Why should there be any difference?

I recently finished Loving Frank, the story of Frank Lloyd Wright’s love affair with Mamah Borthwick. He left his wife and 6 children to be with this woman who left her husband and 2 children. But instead of casting stones, I found myself begging his wife Catherine to give him a divorce, begging society to give them a break at a time when this sort of behavior was unconscionable. Their love simply seemed so profound that it trumped their behavior to their families. Furthermore, they never tried to hide their true feelings from anyone.

When I read about South Carolina’s governor Mark Sanford’s affair, for which he recently used taxpayer money to travel to Argentina for 5 days, I was not so tolerant. Maybe it was because he was a Bible-quoting conservative who had tried to impeach Bill Clinton for his sexual promiscuity. Maybe it was because he made a botched attempt at keeping his affair a secret, ultimately appearing like a deer in the headlights in the Atlanta airport. I could find sympathy only for his wife and children.

Why is it that one version of an affair seems so romantic and the other seems so underhanded? In both cases, I’m sure time will prove out that the participants all paid a huge price for their indiscretions. But I’m still trying to understand why I see these alliances so differently.