Necessity Is the Mother of Invention

This morning as I sat in stalled rush-hour traffic at the approach to the Wilson Bridge, my bladder was about to burst. I told myself that the traffic would probably start moving as quickly as it had stopped. But after about 15 minutes, people started to turn off their engines and get out of their cars.

What was I to do? There was no exit with a gas station. There was no large tree in the median behind which I could pee. With every passing minute, I was getting more desperate. Then I heard on the radio that most of the beltway was shut down on the other side of the river because of "mud in the roadway." MUD – on a perfectly sunny day? Whatever... It was time to do something to remedy my degenerating situation.

I looked around the car to see what I might have that I could use as a car "chamber pot." I settled on a container holding 4 granola bars – a plastic box about 2" deep with a lid. So the next challenge was to drop my jeans and sit on the plastic container, while taking care not to spill it and not to attract the attention of the man in the next lane talking on his cell phone. Here's where all that practice peeing into specimen bottles came in handy. Of course my worst fear was that traffic would suddenly start moving while I was in the middle of emptying my bladder.

But no, I executed this move without a hitch, closed the lid on the box and stashed it on the floor of the car, and proceeded to wait another 20 minutes before traffic started crawling again. The guy next door never had a clue.

As with so many gridlock problems, the cause was not obvious as I drove into Maryland. There was some dirt on the far right lane, but nothing I would call mud. Maybe it had been scooped up during my bathroom break.

My next challenge as I finally drove on to work was to avoid sloshing my auto-potty and figure out how to dispose of it. As I walked into the building, it found the first trash can just before the guard's office.

I started my day a couple of hours later than planned and feeling a little frazzled. But other than that I am dry and happy to have solved what might have otherwise been a very embarrassing situation.

Ever had this problem? What would you have done?